$15,000 Cat Chronicles – Things That Go WHAM! In The Night

The one place the cats are not allowed, now that I think about it there are actually two places, so one of the places the cats are not allowed are in my bedroom overnight.  I’ve had enough roommates with cats in my life to know that I don’t want cats anywhere near me when I’m sleeping.  So I close the door each night and crawl into bed safe in the knowledge that my slumber will not be disturbed by a cat, or cats, sleeping on me, jumping on and off the bed, kneading the bed- or me- before getting comfy, or waking me early in the morning with the ‘wake up and feed me’ face.  Unfortunately they are still able to occasionally wake me by pawing at the door.  Fortunately my headboard is a small book case so when I hear a thump at the door I can respond with a WHAM by flinging the nearest book at the door and the thumping stops.  I do have quite a stack o’ books by the door; probly should pick those up.

The other place the cats are not allowed is the bathroom while I’mum, busy.  Linux especially has a knack for showing up right when I’m starting my business, and getting as close as possible.  There could be no cat in view on my way to the bathroom then POOF there’s Linux running in to check things out; weird cat.  He’s also the one that likes to watch me clean out the litter boxes.


“So I have a thing about bodily functions.  What’s it to you?”

A week ago I took Fat Java to the vet to get to the bottom… of her using my carpet as TP.  She officially weighs 19.1 pounds; that’s a lotta cat.  The vet confirmed what I already knew, “She’s too fat to clean herself.”  So he took her in the back to shave a bit of hair away to see if that would help; it hasn’t.  I’m not sure if I have truly conveyed how large she really is so here is a comparison with Linux the “I like to be in high places and also act like I want you to pet me then run away” normal  sized cat, and Fat Java in cat beds that are the same size:


To be clear, Java’s on the right.

The really entertaining part about all of this is that when I called the vet to make the appointment the receptionist misheard me and listed Java’s name as Jaba.  Now I’ll have images of Jabba the Hut slithering around my house while I’m away.

I don’t think either Java or Linux were happy with me taking their picture because afterward they tried to zap me with their feline lasers:



“Stop blogging about us!”


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